Sigh.

I'm having a hard time today. I think it's because my fibro (after being mostly gone for a few weeks) is kicking my booty this morning. I'm in a LOT of pain.

I had dinner with the girls last night, we had BBQ chicken, mac & cheese and roasted potatoes with cheese, wine and brownies. SO GOOD! We played Funglish after dinner which was such a fun game. However....I still feel a tad leftout since I don't know the girls that well and yet again, I was reminded of what I don't have.

I know a lot of people don't believe me but I am LITERALLY the last of my kind. I'm single and childless. I'm the ONLY one in my circle of friends. Literally. I know, you're all probably tired of hearing the same ol' gripe from me but I sometimes feel like I'm being constantly slapped in the face with it. It's really hard. Especially considering it's something I've wanted for as long as I can remember.

I am dating. I'm getting back out there. And honestly, I found a guy I REALLY like. I think he's different then the other guys I've dated. I find myself quickly becoming attached to him and I'm not sure he feels the same. I know guys are different and take more time, but it's a constant struggle for me. I'm trying not to move to fast and just take things day by day but damn it, that's so hard.

So, I'm trying today to keep my head up. I'm trying not to get down about it. I'm trying to just take things as they come and not over analyze.

I saved this email that Sarah sent me a few weeks ago and I read it again this morning. This helps me keep things in perspective, even when it's really hard.

*This isn't the complete email, somethings have been deleted due to the personal natural of the email.*

I especially liked this for you when you're having a down day: "Instead of focusing on what you aren't doing perfectly, reflect on what you're doing right. Learn from lapses and pat yourself on the back for all the successful big and small changes you've made"

I know you know this, but it's easy to get caught up in the negativity of all the things that aren't going right in our lives.

I know you have things in your life that aren't going the way you had dreamed and hoped and thought they would, but I hope you can stop and look at all the really great things you DO have going for you and that might not be going according to plan, but are going pretty darn good. You agonized so long over wanting a place of your own and fought your own demons before taking the plunge - and look at how great you're doing! Sure, it might be a bit of a tight fit as far as your budgeting goes, but you seem lighter and more free since you went out on your own.

I'm holding out hope that things you want will fall into place eventually, but I know you're starting to close the door on some of your dreams and that hurts you a lot. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all okay but I can't. :( All I can do is find cheesy little quotes and send you encouraging emails.

I just want you to know that I heart you and it's okay to cry when things aren't going your way and shake your fists in anger at the universe. Some times life just really effing sucks. But, it's what we have, so we make the best with what we have.