Self Pity

Okay, so, I need to get this out of my system before I explode. I guess you could say that I'm kind of having a pity party for myself.

I've been told quite a bit that I'm awesome or amazing or a good person, blah, blah, blah. Example: I was kindly (seriously) shot down last night by SGT Steve. Which, this is probably not the best example but I'm using it anyway. He's got a lot going on right now and doesn't want to settle down. (Which, I totally knew that but stuck my foot in the water anyway.) He told me I'm so amazing and awesome and he doesn't want to hurt me. I get that. He told me he'd LOVE to spend time with me and he's so flattered but can't do it. Nice huh? Total gentleman about it.

Brad told me he is still totally crazy about me and I'm so awesome.

These are the two most recent comments but trust me when I tell you, I've heard it a bazillion times.

I get it. I'm the best girl there is. (Bleh)

So, if I'm so amazing and awesome and a great person....why am I still single? Why hasn't someone snatched me up? Why hasn't someone realized I AM a catch and nabbed me?

Okay, I know, I know, I've turned down plenty of nice, super awesome guys myself. But you'd think, I'd have found THE ONE by now. Right?

Wrong.

And I'm soooo tired of hearing: "There is someone out there for you." Please. Forgive me for sounding cynical and jaded but I honestly, DO NOT, believe that anymore. I think people mean the best when they say those things. They are injecting hope and telling you not to lose faith. But damnit, I'm 31. I wanted a husband and children by now. Or at least, hope of that in the near future.

I'm trying very hard not to feel sorry for myself. I believe that it all happens for a reason. I cried a little last night because I did kind of (in a round about way) put myself out there and I was shot down and it hurt, because I'm lonely. I'm lonely and looking for Mr. Right. I'm not at all upset with SGT Steve. He was sweet about it and I felt he was honest in what he said. We're still going to be friends and honestly, I know that's for the best. He's got baggage and issues. He doesn't want what I want. So, shame on me for wanting something more from him.

I'm talking in circles. I just know I'm tired of being single. I'm tired of being the only one of my friends who isn't WITH someone. Seriously, the ONLY one of my friends who doesn't have a husband, or children, or at least one divorce behind me. I should be thankful, right? Heh.

Oh well. It is what it is. That's become my motto.