Commercial.

This is going to sound strange but to me, it was a minor break through. I saw a commercial for Cymbalta yesterday evening. I was in bed, watching tv (because that's how I fall asleep) and I saw the commercial where it talked about depression.

Who do you want to see? No one.
Where do you want to go? No where.

Then it went on to talk about the loss of interest in things you once loved, how much it hurts to be depressed.

I used to answer those questions - not that long ago - with the same answers. I didn't want to talk to anyone, I didn't want to go anywhere, I didn't want to do anything. I pulled away from those I love, I found little interest in anything. It was such a chore to even get out of bed to go into work.

I don't feel that way anymore. Granted, I still struggle and have my moments but for the most part, I find myself smiling again. I'm doing things, I'm talking to people again. I took the first step towards my own recovery. I see a therapist now and I'm back on medicine. I feel so MUCH better then I did even 2 months ago. That light at the end of the tunnel doesn't feel like a train anymore.

I'm working hard. It isn't easy, at all. I'm retraining my thoughts, instead of thinking of everything as doom and gloom, I try to find the positive in it. I'm giving people the benefit of the doubt. I'm standing up for myself more. I'm expressing how I feel. I'm no longer scared of my own voice. I'm not alone in this journey, I've had several people who have helped me in more ways then one and for that, I'm forever grateful.

I'm taking baby steps to better myself, in all aspects. It feels pretty good.