Why do I care?

Okay so. *sigh* David and I are friends. I consider us friends. We don't work in a relationship but I still consider us friends. We chat over text often, see each other occassionally....what ever it is, it works.

However. I cannot talk to him about the girls he dates. I can't do it. I've tried. It like, hurts me to to the core. I don't want to get back together with him. I truly don't. Those feelings are done. They've been done for awhile. But, it makes me sick to my stomach to think of him with someone else. Maybe it's because I loved him. I was going to marry him. We had our kids names picked out. We knew where we were taking our honeymoon. It didn't work and that's fine. But, I cannot listen to his girlfriend chatter. It physically makes me ill, which I've never told anyone before.

I think it's a shame we can't be together. Or what I mean is, that we couldn't have made things work (notice, I say WE). We are good friends and we have a great time together. That's just where it ends and really, that's okay. He's apologized over and over for being a "asswipe" or "ass clown" and it's fine. I don't hate him anymore, I want him to be happy and find whatever it is he really wants in life. I mean that. I just don't want to hear about it.

Yesterday, he said he wasn't "cut out for the daily grind of a every day relationship". Fine, whatever. *insert eye roll here* (David has a lot of excuses for shit.) And then he goes on to talk about "money beet" (what he calls her) and blah blah blah.

So, the fact of the matter is - he wants a relationship. He IS cut out for a relationship. He's just not cut out for one with ME. Harsh reality.

But the real question is: WHY do I care? I don't want to get back with him. I don't want a relationship, with him. I just don't. So, why does it bug me?