Meh.

I feel so….left out here. I hate it. All the girls in my department wore skirts today but no one filled me in on the memo. It hurts my feelings. I’ve never felt, in the other departments I’ve worked in, that I’ve been an outcast and that’s how I feel here. Pam talks mostly to Christy and Amanda and then when I ask her about something, she’ll be all “Oh, didn’t you hear me telling the girls?” *shakes head* Uh, no, no I didn’t.

I seriously want to cry today. I feel like I don’t belong here. I don’t belong in this job and I don’t belong with these people. This is not what I had pictured for myself as far as jobs are concerned. I really thought I’d be doing something I love. Or at least, something I like.

I’ve very discouraged lately. I really thought that once I started to feel better and once I felt like I was getting back to my ‘normal’ self, things would be better. Now, I’m sadder then ever before. I’m still single. I’m doing a job that I hate. I still live at home. I felt like I was making more progress when I was sad all the time and cried. I was looking at houses, I didn’t hate my job but I didn’t like it either (but it got done, I’m so far behind now, it’s not funny), I wasn’t against dating…

WTF is wrong with me? I’m seriously considering going to the bathroom and crying. But, I don’t have anything to fix my make up with here. *sigh*

Oh well. No sense in being sad, nothing is really going to change. There are no jobs out there so I should be thankful I have one and I have insurance and a place to live and a car to drive. I should be thankful that I’m single and not in a bad relationship with a bad person. I have great friends. I have so much I should be thankful for. I should focus more on the positive things. But, yet, I focus on the bad.

I see my therapist Saturday. Maybe I should print this post and take it to her. Maybe she can help me change the way I'm looking at things lately.