Father's Day

So, I had a great Father's Day with my dad yesterday. I hung out with him for a few hours and I really enjoyed it. I know, I complain about my dad a lot but I'm very thankful he's still with us and plugging along. He's doing so much better and I'm thankful for that. I gave him the picture of "The Big Red Machine" (since I know myself and know I can't hold onto it until Christmas) and he cried. Well, okay, he didn't cry but he teared up and thanked me over and over again. After lunch and hanging out with dad, I went to Sue & Hershell's to celebrate Father's Day with that side of the family and spent the rest of the day there. I really wanted to get my laundry done and start on the "operation clean out closet" but it felt more important to be with my family.

Saturday, I had my therapist appointment and then went to Lynn's for some swimming, beer and movies. It was soooo relaxing. My back is sunburnt (that's the only place I couldn't reach to put sunscreen on) but that's okay. We drank a few beers, ordered pizza and watched movies. We watched It's Complicated and Legion. I'd already seen It's Complicated (but still found it hysterically funny). Legion was...well, it was different. It was more of a guy movie then a girl movie but I could see the message behind it. You'd have to see it to really know what I mean. I won't give anything away here in case someone wants to watch it.

I talked with my therapist a lot on Saturday about how I've been feeling lately. I've very...kind of sad...I'm not like depressed but I'm sad...lonely, feeling left out...feeling like I'm in a rut again....

She thinks a lot of it has to do with the migraines. I've had a headache for what feels like 2 years and she said it's enough to make anyone feel sad. And she honestly thinks it's Jason. Things aren't working out quite the way I had planned and it's bringing me down. Don't get me wrong, she still thinks I'm doing very well, she says I seem more content and over all, happier with my life now but she thinks I've taken a small step back. The migraines, the thing with Jason, my job...etc....

I just feel that everyone else's life is moving on and mine is still in the exact same place. Here we are with another failed relationship, I'm still at home, my car sucks, my job sucks... Mary Ann (my therapist) really thinks I should allow myself to feel these things (instead of shoving them down) so I can get them out of the way and move on.

It's just that I'm still single, childless, living at home, at a job that I don't really enjoy....I feel ungrateful. I should be thankful to have a place to live, that my mother hasn't kicked me out yet, I have a car that runs and works, a job that pays well, that I can come to everyday when there are thousands, if not millions of people who would KILL for my job...

It just seems like everyone around me is moving on, getting married, having babies, buying homes, getting new cars and I'm ... stuck.

I'm supposed to continue with this blog, keep taking my medicine, embrace how I feel, take small steps towards making changes and keep going after what I want. Well, I don't know what that is anymore.

Anyways, it was a really good weekend. I enjoyed myself. I just can't shake this feeling of sadness. Maybe it is just the migraines and the "Jason situation".